


Guilty Pleasures

by LaMonica



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Canon, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-08-21
Updated: 2003-08-21
Packaged: 2018-12-27 04:30:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12073557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaMonica/pseuds/LaMonica
Summary: Brian's thoughts as he watches Justin sleep.





	Guilty Pleasures

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

Melodious.Rhythimic.Harmonious. 

That's what I think of when I hear that slow and steady breathing next to me. It's very subtle. Almost inaudible. But I hear it. I feel it. It's almost musical to me.It relaxes me.It calms me. It also soothes me. I feel very strange when I don't hear it.My sleep is uneasy.My mind, it doesn't rest. My body may sleep. But now it knows that there is something that is not there.Something that makes it feel at ease, and comfortable.Something that should be there. 

Should be there? Did I really just think that? Did that just really flow through my thoughts? That he should be here? 

I never thought that I would ever get comfortable with the same person being in my bed.To become familiar with a body. I always felt like any kinda of repitition in life was boring and pointless. Why have the same, when you could taste everything? I have had so many in this bed. So many men. So many types of encounters.Yet I have lately found myself longing for any and every encounter with him. I actually get excited.Not the kind of excited that I get when I have some hot piece that I picked up from Babylon or Woody's. The excitement I feel when "Sunshine" is coming to join me in my bed is all together different. I have still yet to explain to myself why. 

I sit here , on many nights, and I just stare at him. I know he has watched me sleep. I own the proof. But he doesn't know that I sometimes sit here for hours and gaze upon him. With wonder, lust,concern, and sometimes anger. But usually with genuine affection.The feelings that course through my body are so intense at times, I have to get up and walk away.I never thought that I could be so entranced by one person.I love to take in every inch of him. There isn't an inch of his body that I haven't, at one time or another , touch, tasted, tickled, pinched, massaged, kissed or sucked.Every inch of him brings back a memory that I can't forget.That I want to burn in my brain forever. 

 

His hands. 

They are strong, just as a young man's hands of his age should be. But they are so soft. When I feel him caressing me, stroking my body, my cock, my ass.I sometimes marvel at the way his hands can do so much to please me.They feel good in all of these places. But they feel best when he is touching my face. They are also the gentle hands that take care of my son. They play patty -cake, and peek-a-boo. But what makes them more amazing is the things that he creates with them. His drawings are stunning. Artful and full of feeling. His hands seem to flow with his emotions. The countless drawings of Gus, Lindsey, Daphne, his mom and myself shows the feelings that are running through him.They speak for him sometimes. And they have spoken to me on many occasions. 

 

His Neck. 

It is almost like a smooth column of alabaster. It's soft and pale. But very warm. I love to bury my nose into it when I'm on top of him.His scent is always so intoxicating. It drives me to the point of delirium during our encounters. Not just the pulsing of his veins, or the smell of his cologne, which is always very light and clean smelling. It's his reactions to being touched there. When I kiss his neck, he sighs very deeply. When I lick any part of it, he moans very intently.Placing a bite will make him cry out my name.But what I love to do most, when I take him from behind, I like and suck on the back of his neck, he starts to shake all over. That reaction has sent him and myself to many nirvana induced states . 

 

His Hair. 

The soft , bright blond mane of his that you can't miss. It is soft and fine. I have run my fingers and hands through it many times. I have buried my nose in it on many nights in sleep. I massage his head as I embrace him. I can't resist touching it. I love the color. I can always spot him in the dark corridors of Babylon.Even when I try not to see him, I see that head of his. The color makes him so hard to miss. His shampoo is just like his cologne, light , clean and fresh smelling. He never uses anything too heavy. 

 

His Skin. 

It's pale, and blemish free.It's damn near perfect. I have always wondered if he was ever allowed to play outside as a child. There are no childhood scars from bike falls, tree climbing , side walk scraps, healed cuts or any sort of marking on him that would indicate any kind of injury. But I also know that he has been an artist since he was a toddler. So he probably hasn't used his body in the rough manner that most boys have at that age. Which I'm fine with, considering I get to touch, feel , taste and smell that perfect untanned flesh of his. I can definetly say that of all the men I have been with, no ones skin has ever compared to his.It's soft and pillowy and at the same time tight .The warmth of it always entices me. The heat that is generated off of his skin never fails to make me want to hold him close to me. 

 

His Waist. 

It's so small and perfect.It is tight and muscular. But it is also soft. I love to encircle him in my arms. I realize how small he is everytime I embrace him. I can practically hug myself with him in my arms. My arms are long I know, but I always marvel at how many times I find myself touching my left side with my right hand , and vice-versa when we are locked together. 

 

His Chest. 

I love to kiss his chest. It is hard and beautiful.I love to feel how he entwines his fingers through my hair as I kiss him.It's a very slow and sensual forepaly that he loves. I know he knows that I practically worship his entire body, and that my kisses are only proof of that. I love to bite,flick, and lick at his extremely sensitive nipples. Especially the piereced one.I love the way he shoves his chest closer to my tongue , always trying to feed me more of his pink buds. His whimpers are like that of a starved little puppy. His chest is always so warm. I love feeling his heart beat, make that race, as I kiss and fondle him 

 

His Cock. 

His cock is absolutely amazing. It is perfect to me. It's color, shape, and size. I love to to kiss, caress, lick, suck and just touch it. That first night together, I was taken aback by his size , for someone his size. His body is so small. I didn't expect that what he had in his pants would be anything remarkable.But it was, still is. The large bulbous, mushroom shaped head is so smooth and plump when he is erect.I love to just suck on the tip, and marvel at the smoothness of it. I love the way I can see it pulse when he is about to blow his load. How pink it gets. The shaft is just as wonderful to look at. It is even better to feel. To hold it makes me feel like I have won some sort of prize at a fair. I love to feel it grow at my touch. I love to feel it sliding in and out of my mouth. The way it pulses against my tongue.The vein that throbs throughout it as he loses control. I even love the feel of it inside of me. The few times that it has happened. 

 

His Ass. 

If there is anything on him that is absolutely, unquestionably perfect,it's that ass of his.It's round and firm. It fits into my hands perfectly.It's tight and muscular, but soft and squeezable.The globes have no blemishes, pimples or marks anywhere. The skin is like vanilla cream on his ass. And just as tasty. I can feel the smoth skin against my lips just thinking about it. The hidden bud between those two globes makes his ass the most beautiful flower there is. To feel myself encased in it's warmth and heat. The grip that holds me when I am inside of him is indescribable.Of all the tricks, nameless faces, and bodies that has ever come my way, I have never felt the urge to ever leave his body. When I am inside of him, I want to stay there.I never want to leave.He knows it too. He knows from my moans and grunts. The way I squeeze firmly on those sexy hips of his.I try to make every time I enter him last as long as possible.For me, his ass is the best place to be. 

 

His Face. 

There is so much to his face, I always end up staring at it the longest. I see his beautiful lips. So full and red. So soft and kissable. I have never kissed anyone so much and with such passion. When I taste the sweet flavor of them, I am all to ready to consume him. The way they swell and ripen when he is aroused always makes my blood rush to my cock. When I watch them slide down my cock, it sends me into a euphoric haze.To feel them all over my body is something that is never as arousing with anyone else, as it is with him. 

I look at his nose. Cute as a button. I love to press mine against his. To rub them like Eskimos. I want to leave no part of his body unattended to. Including this one. I kiss the tip of it. I flick my tongue at it. It is to be given my attention just like any other part. For it is a part of him that brings on his arousal for me. When he smells my body, neck,hair and cologne, it makes his heart start to race, his mouth water, and his cock twitch. I never forget to show my appreciation for this part of him. 

I love his cheeks. They are high and strong. They are sculpted and sleek. The genetics that went into their structure must have definetly worked over time to make them model perfect.The way they give his face the long angular shape it has. It makes him hard to forget when you see the polished look of a magnificent living sculpture standing in front of you. 

The scar on the right top side of his forehead makes me clench my fists. When I see it, I am flooded with bittersweet feelings. The sweet being the look on his face when he saw me walk into the hall where his Prom was held. The sweet being the look of utter happiness that I was there. No one has ever looked at me that way. The sweet being that beautiful dance. The words to that song. The words that I felt but couldn't say to him. The words that spoke for me when my own fears would not allow me to.The acknowledgement that he knew at that moment what I felt for him. The sweet being the beautiful smile on his face, when I dipped him in the middle of the dance floor. The sweet being the kiss that I could not resist to give him as I picked him up and spun him around. The sweet feeling that we had at being caught up in the moment. Kissing for all the world to see. No shame or guilt at who we were, nor for what we both felt.The sweet, being the walk out to the jeep. The mention of the dance being the "Best Night" of his life. The sweet way he looked at me before I leaned in and kissed him. The sweet smile on his face as I told him "Later". The sweet sighs he let go as he walked away clutching that beautiful white scarf. 

The bitter. Seeing that psychopath sneak up behind him. To not be able to reach him in time to stop him. To see the bat strike him as he turned ,with a smile, to the sound of my voice. The bitter, to see him fall to the cold concrete floor. The blood that escapes his head. The bitter pain of feeling him turn cold.To hear Daphne crying. The wait for the ambulance. It all floods back to me. It is the one part of him that makes me want to protect him. To lock him up within these walls. To secure him safely within the confines of the heavy steel door and sophisticated alarm system. To never let anything on the outside ever be able to harm him again.I want to hold him here forever. I want assurances that he will always be alive and well. Here with me. 

But there is one part of him that always reassures me. The part of him that is the most beautiful. It's actually two parts. But they go together. You can't have one without the other.it never fails to draw any one who sees them in. That is his eyes and his smile. They light up the room. It is why Deb calls him Sunshine. Too many think it's the blond hair. And although his hair is bright, nothing is as bright as his eyes when he lets one of those smiles loose on you. 

It is then that I realize that he is awake. That he is actually smiling at me. One of those "Sunshine" smiles. Bright, beautiful, trusting, true, and hopeful. It's at this actual moment, that I realize. I can't lock him away, as much as I want to. I can't keep the evil world away fom him. Even though I'll try too. I can't trap him within these walls.Though I'd feel much better. trapping hm would only destroy him. It would wilt the fine petals of his flowering personality. Flowers need water, air and sunlight to grow. Sure there are some that grow in darkness and dank, but they are never as bright. 

"What are you doing up so late"? he asks as he reaches out to rub me on my thigh. 

I just touch his face, and respond simply, 

"Indulging a guilty pleasure". 

I slide back down on the bed. He scoots over to wrap his arm around my chest. I bury my nose in his hair, as I let the sent of his hair, and the music of his breathing lull me back to sleep.


End file.
